Its a Miracle!

Whooo boy! When God works He works! The old man actually got up and came to church with me! Praise Jesus! I tell you what, I was beginning to wonder about him. He has asked a few times, but when it came down to the getting in the car and going, he always decided to go back to sleep. This is big. The seeds have been planted and now I just have to sit back and watch God do His thing!

Defending Your Religious Point of View

To be sure there are many religions out in the world today. In fact many of them spin off the Christianity religion. Lutherans, Baptists, Catholics all run off the same Bible, but their spin on the stories are a little different. So how do you know what is right and what is not?

I cannot tell you that. I can tell you what I believe is right, I can plant the seed. It is up to God to grow what I planted. I believe that Jesus died for my sins so that I may enter Heaven. I believe it happened, but I am also still struggling with a bit of unbelief that He would actually do something like that. I watched Passion of the Christ and it was indescribable what I felt.

There are many that don't even believe in any kind of God. I have pity for these people. Simply because they can't understand that life doesn't end with your body in the dirt. To them all life is either one big party with no consequences at the end other than a dirt nap, or it is just a miserable existence until they become worm food. They don't believe in God because they can't see Him. They can't touch or hear Him.

I say this to them, and to you doubters, just because you can't see or hear Him doesn't mean he doesn't exist. You can't see or touch air, but its there. It is a part of you and you take it with you. You don't always hear it, but you can hear it if you try. See the analogy?

God's Love and Grace in My Life

I am back. I know it was a quick hiatus. lol. I told the lady that I write articles for that I was going because of my internet being cut off and she offered to pay it. Which is really great of her. Love that Debbie!

This came in last night because even though I was ok with losing my internet, I felt a pang because I wanted to keep up this blog and promote it. I also need the money I make on here for the doctor bills that are pouring in from breaking my leg. God will provide what I need in this life. I have complete faith.

There was also an incident at the doctors office where I got grace when I certainly didn't deserve it! I had just gotten through lying to the appointment setter at the office about making payment arrangements over the phone. I felt too embarrassed to admit it slipped my mind. I didn't work on articles last week and wasn't sure if I could endure sitting for the long hours it takes to write the articles I get assigned. At any rate, I lied and said I called and made arrangements for so much a month to be paid and I didn't really do that.

I prayed forgiveness right then and there. God talks about casting liers into the fiery depths of hell on more than one occasion. White lie or not, a lie is a lie. There is no in between on this. At any rate, I got done and hobbled out the door, doomed to 6 more weeks on crutches and just felt exhausted. I sat on a bench and despaired of getting to my car because that side of the hospital isn't very easy access to the entrance as the parking area is quite a few feet from the door. It was hard getting into the hospital and I didn't relish the thought of walking to the back of the parking lot.

So this great elderly lady, in her late 50s early 60s or so came out the door, saw me and asked if she could get my car for me. It was such a touching gesture that I cried at God's provision and goodness. Despite not being worthy, he didn't allow me to suffer any more than I had to.

I am truly blessed to be an imperfect Christian. I would rather go to my Lord and seek him as someone not worthy and imperfect than to not know God's mercy and love the rest eternity. If I can even get a chance at Heaven, I will work toward that goal with increasing diligence.

Getting to know God

"Without faith no one can please God. Anyone who comes to God must believe that he is real and that he rewards those who truly want to find him."

This is another great excerpt from Girlfriends in God. I have begun just such a quest as to know Him more intimately. I have a list of literature that I ran across that interests me from various Christian bookstores online. I struggle very much with feeling like I am worthy enough to be forgiven. Even now as a Christian woman, I have truly evil thoughts on occasion and when this happens, I counter it with a prayer. I pray for God to take these thoughts from my mind. I shout at Him that I need help with this, that I need these thoughts taken from me and that I want to be good enough to serve Him in Heaven.

For those that are on the fence about there even being Heaven, Hell or God for that matter should read 90 Minutes in Heaven and 23 Minutes in Hell. These are a couple of the books I am reading off my list and I find them fascinating. I believe that Bill Wiese could have said more about what he saw, as the Hell descriptions are a bit vague and since that is the title of the book, you would think it would be more than he wrote. Then again, this book isn't just about his experience. It is also giving you a road map to salvation. He goes on to answer some of the harder questions. Not all of them by any means, but I get my own communications and thoughts about things.

For instance, just tonight my kids were driving me nuts, crying and whining to beat the band and I was feeling like I was going to lose it. Then I had a great insight to a thought about how God must feel about us sometimes. Think about how often we pepper him with our "whys" and our "blame games" and just being plain aggravating. We don't do what we are told. We are insolent beasts at times. It is no wonder the God of old was unsympathetic.

I have about a million anecdotes for you, but I have the feeling that if you stopped to think about and thank Him, spend time enough to hear His voice at the core of you. It is amazing the messages you receive and when. I get them in my dreams, stray comments throughout the day and the most amusing is when I get them in the shower. I get a little skeeved about that, having Him enter my personal space at that time, but its not about me. It is about Him and his message he has to deliver.

Now, I am by no means a finished product and in fact there is not a person other than Jesus that can get good enough to go to Heaven. Only by Jesus Christ's sacrifice for us are we able to even have a glancing chance of Heaven. It is not enough to believe. That is just a start. For a true believer also follows the Word. And only by that can you be saved. It isn't enough to get baptized and then go on your merry way, cussing, killing, thinking evil thoughts, and many other sins that get in your way of carrying out the "Love thy neighbor" part of the commandments.

Another thing, there are way more laws and rules than just those ten. They are the main course of this shindig. There are 60 some books in the Bible for a reason. Its not just to tell you about Hell and Jesus. It is about telling you what you need to know to defeat evil. It prevent Satan from getting a foothold on you and not letting go.

There are many books and things out there that are enumerating that Jesus is coming back real soon and that our time here is dwindling. Some say it is 2012, with the end of the Mayan calendar. Some say it will be global warming and all manner of other catastrophes that will befall. God says it best many times in the Bible....

Paraphrasing....

"Do not be caught unaware as the day of judgement is upon you."

"Do not be found sleeping when I come around or you will be passed over."

Reading things like that in the Bible can be confusing. It sounds like we are supposed to stay awake and stay guarded and how are we supposed to do that when we have to sleep sometime. Well the answer is, there is more to it than that. You are of course required to sleep, but many things in the Bible are in code. I know that if you take the time to read you will find the meanings you are looking for. I will give you these as best as I understand them, as I have asked about it before. Religious opinions may vary.

It is my understanding that this isn't talking about sleeping at all. Not physical sleeping. It is talking about spiritual slumber. If you are caught inactive and not seeking your relationship with God, you will not be chosen for Heaven. This is all in Revelations if you are wondering where to look it up. You will be left behind to face judgement. And its not pretty in case you haven't read the book. You think life is Hell on Earth right now, just you wait....

I am not trying to be doom and gloom. I am trying to get you to see that despite being imperfect, you need to get yourself right with God and begin your journey. And if you are already on the path, perhaps you need to refine your views a bit. I know I do. It is a never ending process. Don't ever get complacent about where you are at spiritual wise. It is dangerous thinking like that which gives Satan a way in.

Read the book. Learn something. Yes, it is a big book and quite intimidating, but you know what? You have the time. There are no excuses. I know about trying to use them all, but it doesn't work. In the end, you need to have the instructions to get you where you want to go. Where you need to go. Hell is no place you want to be.

I leave you with this thought, your time can be up at any moment. You think you have all the time in the world to get right with God and you don't. There is not a one of us that is going to live this life forever. Our time is written in the book of Life and you never know when it is going to end. Think of the babies that are taken out of this world. Children. Young in car crashes... Middle age people dropping from heart disease and cancers because they are running rampant in society today. What are you waiting for? Get right with God. Start with prayer and pray until you get an answer. Then follow through. God will tell you when it is time to get baptized and the like. I didn't get baptized until I was 23. Better late than never. I still sin. I am still a work in progress, but through Christ I am saved and as long as I am repentant and sorry, I will be ok. I have a long life of habits to break and it will take a little while, but I cannot go anywhere on this journey if I don't pray and make an effort to read the Bible daily.

This is my last post for awhile, since our internet is getting cut off for a bit. I could curse and get upset at the loss of my only form of entertainment, but something is telling me this is a good thing. I will get it back when it is time. I have so much more to share with you. As it is, I will try to get to the library computers, but no promises. God wants me to focus on Him now and get a better understanding of His word.

I do hope to get this blog out there to anyone that will read it. I would love to grow it and get it a real community of readers that can understand the feelings of not being good enough for Heaven, or for this whole religious thing.

When dealing with rude people!

Father, thank You for Your power to change a life. I praise You for the changes You have brought about in my own life. Please examine my heart for any contamination! Make me aware of how the words I speak and write come across to others. Help me learn how to use my words as a tool for encouragement and growth in the lives of those to whom I speak. Today, I choose to make a new commitment to speaking right words from a right heart. In Jesus' name, Amen.

This was a prayer from Girlfriends in God through Crosswalk. It strikes me that this is just such a deal that I had today when shopping. I apparently got the wrong kind of cereal for a baby. I got some of those oatmeal squares from Quaker that are low cholesterol and heart healthy. The register person went on and on about how I was doing the wrong thing and I shouldn't be giving a baby heart healthy cereal. I wanted so bad to snap at her and make her feel crummy for treating me that way. I wanted to just be the person I would have been not so long ago. I could have told her it wasn't her business what I fed my kids, as long as they eat something! I could have told her it was none of her business. I could have had a meltdown and told her all about her heart troubles and that, gee in light of all that it probably was important to watch her diet somewhat.

I did none of this. Had an annoyed look and rolled my eyes, but not all of Satan is out of me yet. God is great. He is working miracles in my life right and left. I didn't want to mess up his good plans for my life by shooting off my mouth at a well meaning cashier. I am trying to grow as a christian and you just can't do that if you can't control your tongue. After all, this verse says it all...

"The mouth speaks the things that are in the heart. Good people have good things in their hearts, and so they say good things. But evil people have evil in their hearts, so they say evil things." Matthew 12:34-35

Just Talking

I am not sure if I mentioned this in my other posts, but I wasn't brought up in a church going family. I was taken to church by friends of friends. If that makes sense. My mom's friends Marla and Jim lived too far away to take me to their church every week, so they enlisted some friends of theirs named Charlie and Lois. Gosh how I loved those two precious people. They were like grandparents to me and when they moved to Michigan, it broke my heart. I not only had to give up people I loved, but I also had to give up God. In my young mind anyways. That is around the time I started being molested by various teenagers around me. I forgot my biblical teachings and began to learn new things.

Then when I was old enough to know better, I was too angry at God to care whether I kept his commandments. After all, I felt he broke his promise when he said he would stand by me and I thought he would protect me from harm. I put him on the pedestal that he insists being put upon, and he let me down. I didn't care about much after that for a very long time.

Sure, I tried going back to church here and there, but nothing stuck because churches aren't very welcoming to new people. I felt like I was never part of the group and that I never belonged. I know now it was Satan putting doubts in my mind. I wasn't good enough to go to church. I had a regular boyfriend and we had sex all through our relationship. It was how I was taught to show love, so I did.

I went by the way of this for quite awhile. In fact right up until the last couple of years I was quite the sinner. I am still messed up in many ways. I have a backlash of anger built up that follows me to this day over things that happened and I pray daily for deliverance from it. I finally feel I may be making a breakthrough. More about that in awhile.

Anyways, I had my last nonserious boyfriend two years ago this September. I moved all the way to Columbus and ended up pregnant. Found out about his cheating ways and left. He died over Christmas, so at least I don't have to face him, knowing what he did and having to share my daughter with him. And when she is old enough to know about him, she will never know that. Not for his sake, but for hers. I will take that to my grave and lie through my teeth, telling her she came out of love. At least it was so on my part.

After that, I gave up on love. It is pretty much where I stand today. I have a great fondness for my son's dad who has taken us in and has become the dad Hannah doesn't have. He takes care of us and works hard. There are times I get angry with him, because he can be a real jerk. Most of it is resentment for the negative energy he brings into the house. I have never met anyone that is such a huge pessimist. It is scary the single minded determination with which he embraces misery. I kid you not!

I have my issues. I am learning how to be a good Christian, but until I manage to tackle that, I am imperfect. I will never be perfect and neither will you. I am forgiven because I ask for it and God knows my history and my heart. He knows it has taken me years to get to this point. I attribute that to the church I call my family church. I finally found one where I fit in and am treated like I really matter to them. It is nice.

When one loses their temper....

I had the day of all days yesterday. It is the second worst day of my life. Every mother's worst nightmare come to life. My child came up missing. And it was not my fault. I took him to school and at the end of the day, he slipped past his teacher and got on a bus. We found him an hour later but not until after I had a most unchristian fit one has ever seen. I didn't before the secretaries and school officials, but I am sure I planted the seeds of a few choice words into my daughter's head as they filled the car while being sent on a goose chase to find him!

I was told that they put him on a bus, despite my notation on their transportation notice about picking him up. I was livid and informed them in short, very angry clipped tones that my child was to be picked up and they better find him right now. Of course they were accommodating and went to find out my exact instructions. I was informed that a bus dropped my son off at the library, which is the closest stop to my street more than 6 blocks from my house. That didn't sound right, but I was very upset that they would mix up my instructions, but to drop my 5 year old in public like that with no one to greet him! Anyone could have claimed to be his parent and taken off with my kid!

I said a lot of things about what I thought about that school as I went to find my son. Not nice things, not at all. I didn't much care at that point if I got damned to hell forever. My son was missing. Yet at the same time I prayed that God would keep him safe, because despite my words, God knew they were spewing forth from fear than from anything HE did. So, I prayed and cussed and cried only like one other time in my life.... When I found out my daughter was starving to death because her idiot doctor wouldn't listen to me about her not getting enough to eat from my breastmilk. She was so underweight.... This is right up there with that incident in my mind. Anything could have happened to my son. He could have been killed by a train, run over in the busy main road...

Suffice it to say, he wasn't there. So the librarians called the bus transportation department for news, since I knew two of them from my church. Then they tell me he is at the China Buffet. Obviously a local restaurant, so by now with all those scenarios swimming in my head, I was elated and happy, go there to find he is not there, it was the managers son they were talking about, whom they have also lost before.

Then I head back to the school and find out they had heard from one of the buses and he was found. One of the school officials went to pick him up at the jr high school where the bus driver claimed wouldn't let him off because he couldn't tell them where he lived. My question is now, what if he had? Would they have dropped him off to an empty house? Unknowingly? Leave a 5 year old at home alone while we are at school trying to locate him?

That isn't the worst parts of it, there is more.... I wait for him to come back, shooting daggers at his teacher, who didn't speak to me the whole time we were waiting, so I kept glaring, looking away, glaring again and that sort of thing. Finally he comes in and once I checked him over as all mothers who worry about their kids safety do, she came over and explained that he got on a bus while her back was turned.

Now I have not only anger, but guilt on my heart because the school lead me to believe it was the teacher's fault for putting him on a bus when she didn't. She was just overwhelmed because containing that many 5 year olds is too much apparently. They need a helper back there to watch over the kids and make sure no others do that. They are 5, what do they know? If they had even one ounce of good judgment, they wouldn't need looked after! And the thing that upsets and angers me the most is the blaise way they handled it! Dispatch called the school while we were there and one of the secretaries said, "Oh its the first day, we lost one, but he was found, nothing unusual..."

I think they better get a new usual before a kid gets kidnapped or worse and something happens that makes them rethink it in a more dramatic fashion. Their attitude is downright dangerous and I may take it upon myself to write to the school board about it. They apologized, but I don't think it was enough and they need a plan to stop these mix ups. It happens all across the USA, but it is time for a change.

There were 5 officials out to help the ones being picked up. Why not drop that to 3 or 4 and put 1 or 2 back with the buses so they can watch the kids and make sure none try to escape? Or barring that if it is too much to deal with, why not implement a buddy system the first day. That way if a kid comes up missing, then there is someone to say something about it before the buses pull away.

I am an imperfect Christian. I have proven that with my profanity, my anger and attitude. However, I love my lord and even in my worst moments, I pray to him for help and guidance. He knows my heart and will never forsake me just because I am being a mere weak human being.